schweblog

This is one part letter to self, one part letter to friends, and one part speculation.

I have both endured and helped friends endure heartbreak of varying degrees.  In spite of it all, it seems like our generation doesn’t really suffer from an overabundance of heartbreak, but a profound deficit of risk-taking.  While unreciprocated love has always received some attention in cultures of practically every sort, it seems to be the dominant theme these days.  We are the generation of pining, sitting on one’s hands, and avoiding grand gestures for fear of rejection.

It’s not so much that the feelings aren’t there.  Love is nigh unavoidable.  The willingness to put it out on the line and explain to another person exactly how you feel, though—the gesture of really, truly exposing your deepest sentiments—is what freaks most people out.  And it’s not like this is anything new.  Only now our generation’s heroes are the ones that wallow in their self-pitying longing and have to be pushed over the edge by external circumstances or desperation, rarely will power (see, e.g., the cultural epics of 90s television, Friends and Sex and the City).

Similarly, there is a lack of grand gestures in the other direction as well.  Breakups are rarely actual breakups—instead, a breakup merely signals the start of a series of ambiguous and painful hookup sessions with your ex and other people to the point of exhaustion for both parties.  The door never completely shuts because, hey, neither party was really willing to ever make a grand gesture in the first place that would have really tested both parties’ mettle.  And so it goes.

Faced with difficulties that inevitably arise from these norms—and they really are becoming the norm—I dispense one bit of advice: figure your shit out.  This entails a whole number of commitments, duties, and general provisions.  To wit:

1. Don’t start a relationship (emotional, physical, or otherwise) when someone else is on your radar.  Even if the someone else is geographically distant, taken, or otherwise unavailable.  If you’re unsure about someone, make a grand gesture that adequately expresses how you feel, even if that’s mostly confusion.  If you don’t know what constitutes a grand gesture, ask yourself if you’re completely comfortable doing X.  If the answer is no, then it’s probably a grand gesture.  The other person’s response will almost always give you enough certainty to pull out of the gray area.  On that note…
2. You will never be absolutely certain about anything.  People change.  Relationship dynamics change.  The other person might decide that they prefer members of the opposite/same gender.  Or maybe they’ll become a furry, or decide that they have some other fetish that you can’t satisfy, or that celibacy seems like a good idea.  Who knows?  The fact that certainty is impossible doesn’t give you carte blanche to be a jackass, though.  As such…
3. There will be a gamble involved.  Everything is contingent.  Take a deep breath and suck it up.  With great risk comes great reward.  You won’t become a millionaire playing the penny slots.  If you make the gamble, though, make the fucking gamble.  Commit yourself to it.  Really try the other person on for size.  Make some grand gestures.  You can’t do that with some other potential partner on the horizon.  Which is why the first step is so important.

This clearly isn’t a surefire way to avoid heartbreak, but it’s really the only way to be an authentic, decent person.  And really, the lack of authentic, decent people is probably at the root of all this other bullshit.

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As I get older, I’m coming to appreciate shorter lists of bests and worsts.  Collections of top tens flood you with far too much information to digest, especially if it concerns a subject that you’re unfamiliar with.  Top three lists, I think, are better for a number of reasons.  First, it forces the writer of the list to really decide—ten gives you a lot of wiggle room to include selections that cover all of your bases, but three forces you to really choose favorites (or least favorites, as the case may be).  You can tell a lot about a person by their top three of anything, but ten just waters everything down.  Moreover, three gives the reader of lists a small, approachable chunk of recommendations to try on for size.  With this in mind, my favorite albums of 2009:

• Woods | Songs of Shame: I had several lengthy discussions with my friend, Jesse, over our differing musical temperaments this year.  We had a lot of musical synchronicity over 2008, but we were pretty split on most albums this last year.  I’ve been in a really lo-fi mood lately and I think Woods’s album is nearly perfect—she was non-plussed with it.  Excepting “September of Pete” (a nine minute, self-congratulatory jam session that doesn’t really fit with the rest of the album and jarringly cuts the album in half), Songs of Shame is melodic and mellow without being dispassionate.  Just skip track four.
• Bibio | Ambivalence Avenue: I can’t really describe this album.  It’s a mix between dance music and folk music.  Considering folk is probably the first type of music that humans danced to, I think Bibio is doing something really extraordinary by crafting folk music conditioned by our generation’s culture.  As such, one shouldn’t expect traditional folk music here, but instead a truly unique musical experience.
• The Antlers | Hospice: This album grabbed me and wouldn’t let go for about a month.  This is probably one of the most “complete” albums of the year, as it tells a deeply personal story of a man losing his lover to cancer.  Having lost my grandfather at the beginning of 2009 after several weeks in the hospital, this album resonated with me in a significant way.  Coming back to it near the end of this year with a slightly less emotion, it’s still musically brilliant, lyrically brilliant, and shows a really deep level of care and craftsmanship.  I’m excited to hear The Antlers’s next project.

And staying in threes, my most disappointing albums of 2009:

• Volcano Choir | Unmap: Bon Iver produced my favorite album of 2008 and I was hoping for another experience akin to For Emma, Forever Ago.  Instead, I listened to a shoddy post-rock album that is weak, gutless, and boring.  The thing is, the album inspires nothing in me.  I’m not annoyed by it, I’m not passionately upset by it, I’m bored by it.  What a disappointment.
• Beirut | March of the Zapotec/Realpeople Holland: When I heard Zach Condon was orchestrating a new album with southwestern influences in mind, I was elated.  Beirut’s past two albums have put an original spin on traditional, regional styles to produce incredible musical experiences.  Strangely, this album was split into two parts.  March of the Zapotec is clearly inspired by New Mexican culture and is quite good, even though it’s far from being Beirut’s best album.  Then it’s cut with Realpeople Holland, which is mostly slow synthesizer music with plaintive vocals.  The two don’t mix—each one keeps the other from ever getting off the ground.  And it’s disappointing because if either of them had been given adequate attention, either of them could have been great.
• Bibio | The Apple and the Tooth: After loving Ambivalence Avenue, I expected great things and was subsequently let down.  Hard.  Half of the album is comprised of earlier songs by Bibio remixed by other artists and the other half—while catchy—don’t really feel carefully composed or thoughtful.  What’s more it just doesn’t feel musically coherent.  I’m curious what was going on behind the scenes here.  Specifically, I wonder if Bibio’s studio, thrilled with the reception of Ambivalence Avenue, pushed for another release as soon as possible.  What we got was a series of leftover songs that didn’t make the cut in the past along with some mediocre remixes of songs that really aren’t improved in any noticeable way.

Other stuff worth mentioning:

• I didn’t list Animal Collective’s Merriweather Post Paviliion because I didn’t really enjoy it.  I felt like Atlas Sound’s Logos was a better album that tried to incorporate classical pop music with a post-rock/noise sound.  I felt like Fuck Buttons’s Tarot Sport was a better album that did the traditional noise/experimental sound akin to Animal Collective’s older stuff.  Sandwiched between these two, Merriweather Post Pavilion just wasn’t that satisfying.
• Can the Yeah Yeah Yeahs just stop producing music please?  It’s Blitz! was gimmicky and thoughtless.  And after listening to what Karen O did with the Where the Wild Things Are soundtrack, I’m convinced that she’s a one trick pony.  It’s time to put her out to pasture.  I’d say the same thing about Passion Pit, but I want to see what their next album has in store before writing them off entirely.
• Dark Was the Night was not included in my best-of list because I think of it more as a compilation than an album.  Still, it’s absolutely superb and deserves mentioning as one of the most enjoyable listening experiences from this last year.  Also, it’s probably the best collection to introduce a newbie to the current music scene.

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Here is how holiday gatherings with my family inevitably go.

(serving ourselves, sitting down to eat)

Aunt/uncle/cousin: You didn’t want any ham/turkey/other meat?
Me: Nope, I’m a vegequarian.  I’ll eat fish, but no other meat.
Them: You’re still doing that, huh?
Me: Yep.
Them: So, do you think it’s wrong that I eat meat?
Me: …can we talk about this after dinner?
Them: I didn’t claw my way to the top of the food chain to just not eat meat!
Me: …
Them: Well, it’s your loss.  More meat for me!
Me: …

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