schweblog

Tonight I’ve opted to attend the annual Presidential Scholarship Banquet hosted by the university. Essentially, the beneficiaries of this particular scholarship program get dolled up and rub elbows with their (typically) rich sponsors. The food is usually decent and the entertainment so-so, but I get to bop around in my suit, so I’m a happy guy.

It’s amazing what jumping into your three-piece suit will do to you when you haven’t done it in awhile. I generally tend to overdress for the heck of it, but on this night I usually do it and do it well. I’ll sit down at the round table of 8-10 people and, with my suit, dashing good looks, and razor-sharp wit, will command the conversation for the better part of the evening.

I used to think that a suit transformed anyone–that any old Joe could put a three-piece on and suddenly become a debonair, sophisticated man that could hold his own at any cocktail party hosted by Mensa. That, clearly, is not the case: I’ve seen your run-of-the-mill college male step into a room, sit down, and–in spite of his suit–make a proper jackass of himself in just a few minutes. It’s happened.

Still, though, the suit has a certain degree of mutational power for virtually any individual. Even if their minds, vocabulary, or wit isn’t improved by ten fold with the classic jacket and tie (and optional, but highly suggested, vest) they still look better. And if they manage to look in the mirror, they realize that they do, indeed, look better. And sometimes that boost in self-confidence is all they need to unlock their inner badass.

You remember the Power Rangers? How they all had their own individual robots but at the end of every episode the robots would combine into a massively badass robot that could zap any villain Lord Zed could send at them (thus the “Might Morphing” part of their title)? The suit is the final piece for me–it combines with my good looks, my personality, my confidence, my ability to bullshit, my good looks, and fabulous sense of humor and grasp on current affairs to form a bursting mass of coolness. Oh yes. The same thing happens with most folks, but in varying, relative degrees.

So go put on a suit at the next chance you get. If there’s nothing on the horizon in the near future, plan a date with your girlfriend and get yourself all snazzy. And if you don’t have a girlfriend to get all suited up for, get in your favorite suit and approach a woman (your chances of landing a date will be improved tenfold). Seriously, guys, it works.

And if you’re a female, flash a little cleavage and everything will work out fine. You girls have it easy.

Filed under: culture, fashion by Jesse