schweblog

Don’t you hate when you’re in a class/meeting/group and you tend to dominate the discussion with abstract connections that are…well…abstract? But they’re relevant. And so meaningful. But then everyone stares at you disdainfully. Ragged Dick…hero and anti-hero…virtue and vice…an industrialist Ulysses?…it’s just a story embodying the American dream, however artificial it may have been, you dumbass.

Then they join the grad student in looking at you like you’ve just monologued on your fetish for styrofoam and clock hands.

Better: coming up with new catch-phrases that are so good you want to patent them. Yesterday, after a history class…

Jennifer (to a group of us): I have to shampoo my hair every other day otherwise it gets really oily and gro–
Me: Hey Jen, what was that song you liked?
Jennifer: The song I like? Which one?
Me: Oh…I dunno. I think it was Beethoven’s 9th in no one gives a shit minor.
[laughing ensues and everyone looks upon me as a witty savant...I am admired and revered for a few glorious--albeit fleeting--moments]

Giving your friends the burn almost balances out those embarassing silences you inflict on your history peers. Even better that administering the burn is when a girl passes you her number after class out of curiousity for your clock hands fetish. Scrawled on the same paper, though, in place of her name, is “I’ll pass on the styrofoam, though.”