Books and I
I’m a terrible reader.
I have what Kate calls “Academic ADD”. And it is awful. I am possibly the worst reader known to man.
To fully understand this, you have to understand the type of stuff I read. I like to break it down into two simple categories: the academic (philosophy, history, etc.) and the pleasure (Salinger, French literature, etc.). I’m great with most pleasure novels if I’m enjoying them. I’ll blaze right through them. However, when it comes to academic literature of any sort, my attention span is reduced to that of a goldfish.
Sometimes I go to the cafe to try and concentrate. There are several variables that are involved. First, the music; if they’re playing some sort of intolerable normal music (read: stuff with words) then my mind strays. The other patrons effect me as well–I can deal with several different conversations combining to form a collective buzz; I can’t deal with one or two where I can pick out words and phrases that will compel me to eavesdrop. Finally, there can’t be an interesting looking person in the cafe–this is the variable one. Some days, depending on my mood, a single individual will catch my attention and my imagination and sweep me away. Stuff like:
That guys looks like an asshole. I bet I could take him. Oh yeah, I could take him. Look at that smug bastard. I could certainly take him. Maybe I will. It wouldn’t tarnish my reputation here at the cafe. Everyone here clearly knows he’s an asshole. Now…what was Foucault saying?
OR
Look at that girl. I wonder how much she spent on that outfit. I wonder how much she spends on outfits annually. Do I spend enough on fashion? Am I hip and chic? If I approached her and spoke with her, would she even give me a second thought due to the way I dress? Oh yeah…about that pre-revolutionary American economy.
OR even…
Geez, that dog looks pensive. I wonder what an animal’s capacity to think is? Even if they have those short-term memories, I still bet they’re interested in little things. Like watching people. Or other dogs. Maybe they could even read. I wonder if that dog, if someone took the time to teach it to read, would be better at reading than I am.
The solution seems clear–isolate myself and create an environment of minimal distractions. I try. I really do try. I draw a bath. I get in. I prepare my stuff: a glass of water, my book(s), my towel. I turn off all the unnecessary noise and concentrate. Good lord, I am sweating a lot. Is the sweat on your hands going to make the pages of the book all ripply? What if you soak this book in your sweat? Could you really lend it out to a friend with a clear conscious now? Has anyone else ever sweat on one of my books before when they borrowed it from me? Shit…what if I licked that page after the fact? Gross. You get the picture. Clearly.
And so I wash my hair (it’s sweaty) and scrub myself well and rinse off (I was sweaty) and go to my room. I clear an area. This is my defined reading area. I even tell myself, “This is your defined reading area.” It is my defined area of reading. And I read. And it’s going well. No problems–Foucault is easy. Pre-revolutionary America becomes clear. I am good. I am taking notes. I am an active reader! I am (easily) the best student in my class. Damn…that’s a good bracket. I usually do one of two things to offset important words/phrases in a text–I bracket the key phrase/sentence with square brackets ([ and ]) or underline the text. Always with a black, fine point pen. Always. I like to think there’s some difference between my text offset with brackets and the stuff underlined, but there really isn’t. My brackets on the left, at the beginning of the phrase, usually V, though, so end up with something like: <. When I pull off a good, square, beginning bracket, I am proud. Damn…that’s a good bracket. OR Damn, that’s a straight line. If anyone ever bought this used, they would have a hard time telling whether or not this line was actually part of the publication. Damn, I’m a machine….badass.
You get the picture. This is not improving. I have “practiced” reading and am getting nowhere. I’ve tried everything: caffeine, different times of day, planning, all of it. No dice. I think I’m hopeless. Am I hopeless? I am hopeless.
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