schweblog

I’m bowing out of this cruel comedy of love. I tried. I really did try. Only to be greeted today by Chris coming home to tell me that she was done with this relationship for good this time. Apparently something between my last effort and now clicked with her and she realized that she wanted no more of me.

I’m sorry if this seems like an emo blog with nothing more than personal details. I write about what goes on in my life, though, dammit. Right now, this massive chunk of everything I’ve ever known is separating, moving on, disappearing into the horizon.

Strangely enough, I’m not angry or bitter with her–just heartbroken. Exhausted and bruised, I’m angry with life in general. Not one particular individual. Not that siren that had her talons firmly sunk into my heart, the same one that’s flying away now with my heart in her hands. Just life. Existence. Everything that is alive.

I never thought I’d say it, but love can truly be a curse. I used to think that those embittered with love were simply being unrealistic, blind to the beauty that was all around them. It’s only after someone wrenches everything out from under you that the world comes into focus. Experience will skew your vision, force you to abandon the parts of you that feel the most.

Would I go back and stop it from happening? Not a chance. A few moments’ euphoria in exchange for a hole forever in your soul is well worth it, given all that I understand now. But the memories are now poison and life, it seems, is simply a stepping stone to something different.