schweblog

I slept with Hope for several nights in a row, hoping that things might turn out for the better. After all of this, it was nice to find something to hold onto and find relief in. She kept me going on the days when I was ready to break–pack up my bags and head north with no destination in mind. Hope kept me here and, yesterday, she left.

I went to my favorite cafe to find her, thinking that she had just departed for an hour or two. She wasn’t there, though, and I knew that she wouldn’t be even before I walked in–I just didn’t want to admit it to myself. I bought myself a drink and sat down, planning my next move. Where would I go? Now that Hope was gone, I felt a little lost.

That’s when Despair walked in the door. He got a double espresso and sat down across from me, his voice was scratchy and tired with his greeting. I asked him if he had seen Hope and he just laughed. Upon realizing that I was serious, he looked me right in the eyes, “She probably isn’t coming back, kid.” With that, he threw his espresso back like a shot of tequila and excused himself, telling me he’d be by later to talk.

As I left the cafe, I resolved to make the most of the situation, only to realize that I had lost Solace’s number awhile back. She wouldn’t think about visiting with me anyway, having been rejected for something better so long ago–something that I thought would have lasted.

I went home last night alone. Fucking calluses.