Last item from a list of things I do not like
In life, there are two major categories that you can easily identify: things you like and things you don’t like. This isn’t some Kantian dichotomization or an Aristotelian hierarchy. It’s simple and I’m pretty good at identifying what fits into each of my categories.
Things I like: creme brulee, breasts, red wine, chocolate, warm beds on cold mornings, philosophy, peeling a boiled egg, the smell of rain, beating my little brother arm wrestling.
Things I don’t like: nails on a chalkboard, blood and guts, body hair, having to shave my face, absurdly sweet white wine, wearing jewelry, conventional morality, John Locke’s empiricism, breaking up with people.
I’m going to focus on the last item of the second category (breaking up with people). Rather than spout off all of the exciting, juciy details involved in this particular instance, I’m going to take these few moments to scowl at the way fate allows these things to play out. First of all, dating is just a fucked up system.
When you date, the two of you share things that you both enjoy doing in an effort to get to know one another. Normally, this involves food and some other form of entertainment. Maybe art galleries. Or mud wrestling. Or hiking. All seems well, until a month or two into dating someone, you come to that inevitable impasse: you both have to either make jump into a formalized “relationship” (this will be fun, you and I and sex quite frequently) or somehow relegate someone to realm of permanent friend (haha, we sure are having fun but getting to know you better has made me realize that something resembling a relationship is not going to work for us at this time).
In the case of the latter, one party inevitably ends up being offended and the other party ends up feeling bad. This is why dating sucks. The moment of choice should be willful and easy, regardless of the direction you take. Together or alone, the path should be clear of emotional debris (guilt, etc.) and you should both be able to live as autonomous beings with hopes, fears, dreams, and aspirations without fear of retribution. Again, it should be clear of debris. But it’s not. And that’s seriously fucked up.
So I get to meet with her today over coffee and tell her that our dimensions are different. That the experiences, passions, afflictions, and feelings of one of us is not synching up well with the experiences, passions, afflictions, and feelings of the other one of us. That this isn’t going where I want. That something is missing that I need. And that we both should stop hoping it will crop up because neither of us are very patient.
Hopefully the espresso will make it easier for both of us.
December 1, 2005