schweblog

At the behest of Jourdy, I’ve been pondering the differences (and similarities) of love and obsession. In many ways, the outward behavior of the obsessed resembles that of the love-stricken: our specimen stares longingly at the desired object, acting in a way that most people would deem “irrational”. Their fixation on acquiring the object is almost identical in most ways. On the surface, it appears as if the two are virtually the same thing.

But does love necessarily imply obsession or vice-versa? I’m hesitant to say so, if simply because of the different connotation that the verbiage entails. If one is obsessed with someone, they pursue them tirelessly with the hope of eventually succeeding. If one is in love with another, they participate in a similar, seemingly tireless pursuit of their object of infatuation. So where does the difference arise?

The two diverge when the target of the obsession/love responds. Obsession usually implies a hopelessness, a general sense of total rejection where the object of attention will not ever respond in kind. Alternatively, love implies some degree–however miniscule–of hope; a hope that, however unrealistic, the beloved will eventually break down under the tireless pursuit of the lover. But who can tell how many refused advances it will take before the beloved accepts them? Who’s to say that the beloved will allow him/herself to be reeled in before one or both of them die?

Clearly, the intentions of the pursued person and the probability of them breaking down is virtually impossible to quantify or even observe. Thus, it seems as if we’re back where we started–love and obsession are indiscernable. As confouding as the conclusion seems, this actually fits in quite well with our common conception of what “true” love is–a tireless, raging, and, if necessary, eternal struggle to possess the beloved. Needless to say, this sounds a lot like obsession. Come hell or high water, the lover (or should we now call them “the obsessed”?) is expected to continue their pursuit, lest they never loved.

Ask anyone who has ever loved before in the romantic sense, though–and I mean really loved someone–and they will tell you that love is not a one-sided venture, ever. Love without reciprocation will wither and die. It may continue its pursuit for a time after one side gives up, but its intensity will eventually wane until it disappears from existence. This is where obsession differs from love, but the interesting point is that the difference between the two is virtually indiscernable even still. We’ll never know when the object of obsession has truly rejected the possibility, so any pursuit can fall under the guise of love or obsession–take your pick. If the pursuit ends after a time, though, we can reasonably infer that it was love or something love-like.

What are the implications? Well it seems to throw a huge wrench into our conception of “true” love. But we all knew that the concept was flawed anyway, right?