schweblog

For those of you fortunate enough to have not stepped into a Starbucks recently, they’ve changed their serving process for warm beverages. Most obvious is the absence of the cardboard sleeve–a barista I know personally tells me that the corporation claimed it was for environmental purposes. I suspect that it might have another motivation: the removal of the cardboard sleeve also allows them to showcase “The Way I See It” series. These are numbered installments comprised of a few sentences, authored by various people, that are supposed to offer insight into the world and, presumably, provoke thought amongst the Starbucks clientele. In other words, it’s probably being printed to make yuppies that can afford the coffee feel special.

Elyse and I went out to a local Starbucks yesterday. We went to a particular one, too, because the people there usually give me my coffee gratis (after you share your beer with someone, paying for the over-priced coffee they serve hardly seems reasonable). We walked away with two free medium–pardon me, grande–peppermint mochas with an extra shot of espresso and proceeded to shoot the shit for a little while on the patio. Not long after sitting down, we noticed the written statements on our cups and read them to one another. One of them was about embracing diversity and other one was so boring that I can’t even remember it. Then I came up with one of my own. I’m thinking that I should send it in:

The Way I See It #XX

If you’re reading this, you’re probably a 20- or 30-something working for a corporate giant in a major US city. You get up at the same time five days out of the week, go jogging, shower, and put the same suit and tie on that you wore this time last week before heading out the door. You grabbed this cup of coffee on the way to work, in lieu of breakfast. Everything about your life is mediocre–you have sex 3 times a week in the missionary position with your wife, but never on Mondays and never in the morning; you get together with your friends and co-workers on a monthly basis over martinis, which you pretend to like and actually despise; you read contemporary European fiction and often wax in a quasi-philosophical fashion at these engagements on the last book you read because it makes you feel enlightened. Above them. Above it all. And, for the very same reason, you sit at your desk today and read the side of coffee cup because you secretly hope that one day–one day–your life will be as exciting as a shot of espresso.

–Jesse Schwebach, societal discontent and hedonist.