schweblog

The past week 10 days have been grueling. After Natalie left, I lost my appetite, had some serious issues with digestive tract, and was on the brink of tears at the slightest mention of her. It’s been hard. Really hard. She has affected me more than I ever thought someone could, especially after the way I’ve been burned in my past affairs of the heart.

But I’m starting to see the brighter side of all of this. Today I found a message in my fortune cookie: “When pushed, love digs in its heels.” I’m ready to dig my heels in. Being apart from her has made me realize a lot of things: most obviously, that she means something to me. This kind of longing doesn’t exist in a venture of pure folly. There is something here and it is huge and beautiful and scary as all hell.

More than that, though, I’m sensing a shift. Before, my attitude was that we could get through this. That the possibility existed that we would remain true to one another and, upon her return, we would possess one another once again. My heart would remain hers and her heart would remain mine and we would look at each other when she got off the plane and fall into one another and everything in the world would be good again just as it was. That could happen. Now I’m confident that it will happen. I’m digging my heels in. This is happening. I will love this girl.