Comments on: Longing for circumstance

By: elaine

elaine — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 00:57:01 +0000

i just left you a really long comment, but it was lost because i forgot to enter my e-mail addy.

bummer.

i don’t have time to type it again right now. maybe later. or i can just tell you tomorrow.

ugh.

By: Jesse

Jesse — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 18:24:44 +0000

Jim, it’s good to see that you’re still alive.

It’s funny you mention Vegas…I actually was at a wedding there this weekend and participating in all the shenanigans therein. It wasn’t exactly cathartic as I’d hoped, though, as I’m one of those people that has to take some time to mull things over before diving into the hedonism that is only possible without the ties of a relationship.

But still…funny you mention it.

By: Jim

Jim — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 21:19:38 +0000

I have no useful advice for you. It sucks. It will continue to suck; and it will most likely suck again later. Or as a great poet once said: “Life sucks and then you die.”

But perhaps that is how you should treat it, a death Irish Wake style. Be glad that you were able to reach such a point, and most likely will again.

Also, in the words of the immortal Vince Vaughn: “Vegas baby, Vegas.”

By: JB

JB — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 03:13:31 +0000

I remember a time when you loved this girl with an intensity that was almost painful to watch. And I watched the long frustrating downward slide, the constant questioning, the will to optimism at the slightest sign of improvement or change. But quite simply, from what I have been able to observe, you are both nice, decent, smart people that seem to be wired very differently with respect to intensity, interests, and goals. Obviously, at one point, you operated more in tandem, or so you both thought. And while I can’t speak for N., I know that you did what you could to try to keep this relationship alive and were unwilling to see it end. So do not be too hard on yourself. For the record, I don’t think that you or N. could have done anything that would have changed the outcome. Relationships generally do not succeed on will alone.

Nor should you trivialize. This did not come about just because the TV was on more than you would have liked. As time progresses, you may be able to address other, perhaps more fundamental incompatibilities, unflinchingly.

As you have learned, civility can be painful. It doesn’t enable you to take the high moral ground, or to feel righteously wounded and crawl into your (non-Platonic) cave and lick your wounds for awhile. You just have to get on with the business of living. Not particularly dramatic. And hard to feel sorry for yourself or have others feel sorry for you when it’s all so…. courteous.

I suggest a trip to Vegas to help you get through this phase. And don’t be afraid to lean on your friends. They are there for you.