It dawned on me a few days ago that I would be turning 25 in just a few months. This depressed the hell out of me. The idea of being a quarter of a century year old just doesn’t sit well, sort of like when you eat too much sushi.
It doesn’t help that my life has been somewhat of a train wreck as of late. After the break up with N and finally deciding to go to graduate school, I’ve been trying to get my shit together before I start studying philosophy in a really, really serious way. By getting my shit together, I mean getting some financial ducks in a row, mostly. This has proven far more difficult than I initially thought it would be.
Somewhere down the line, I got old. I don’t mean “old” in the chronological, distance-between-birth-and-now way, but the whole coming-to-terms-with-what’s-expected-of-someone-my-age way. At some point, you eventually realize that there are certain things that are and are not socially acceptable for someone who is almost 25 to do. If you want to remain a respected, well-regarded member of society, you have to really keep these things in mind to avoid being lumped in with the carnies and 40 year olds that make fries at Wendy’s.
Acceptable:
- think about a career
- go to bed at a reasonable hour
- look into buying a house
- discuss your 401(k) with your acquaintances over beer that everyone is pretending to like because it costs five times more than Natty Lite
Not acceptable:
- put off deciding on a career by going to school
- stay up all night reading bad fiction/watching zombie movies
- ponder moving to Eastern Europe
- consider the viability of finding a woman 20 years your senior who is financially stable enough to support the aforementioned items on the “not acceptable” list
About a year and a half ago I was on to something. I was just about to graduate, had fantastic visions of becoming a world-renowned cultural critic, and was getting ready to go to throw every ounce of financial and emotional sensibility out the window to go live with my girlfriend in France. I woke up yesterday and found myself frighteningly close to regretting all of that.
What the fuck happened?
4 Comments
Ennui on steroids. For the record, putting off a career by going to school is very acceptable. It’s called accumulating intellectual capital. Much more exciting than discussing a 401K while quaffing overrated beer. Go for it!
You should get in touch with Brett. She finished Parallax, by the way.
Sounds more like an existential crisis. I too battle with what society wants me to do and what I would most rather do. Unfortunately we are a small cog in a very complicated machine that is far greater than we are. The individual, to an extent will have to conform in order to “fit” into the stereotypical successful person. Wife, kids, house in the ‘burbs’,freshly cut lawn. However, as a philosopher you must realize all this is merely a charade masking a materialistic and hollow paradigm. This version of success doesn’t automatically equate to happiness for most people. There’s more to one way to live a wonderful existence. However, it seems societal pressure is at least somewhat important to you, so find a middle ground. Pursue a career so one day you can afford life’s necessities, and perhaps a few luxuries (ability to travel etc). Find something your passionate about so going to work isn’t a chore… but NEVER give up your dreams or your interests because they don’t fit this illusory mold. Life is a game that only stops becoming interesting when you decide to throw in the towel.
I graduate Sunday with a degree in managerial marketing. I’m up shit creek more you pal! Good luck.
Ryan, thanks for the reassurance.
I do realize that many of today’s dominant conventions are of little value to someone like me. On the other hand, grappling with the feelings of alienation that one experiences when you shed said conventions can be hard on your Dasien. As much as I’d like to embrace the Nietzschean ubermensch motif, it doesn’t always work for me.
First of all, stop paying too much on overrated beer, drink wine, second of all, I have gone through this, it does not get easier. It just does not.
I wish I could tell you I am fine with my decision, but really, not a day goes by that I do not wish I had a time machine so that I could go back and do things differently, and now, the pressure is building, I have to get into law school yesterday because my daughter is already a year old and soon will be the need to think about her education (right about the time I should be finishing mine).
Now, your circumstances are different, but I will tell you this - never ever allow yourself to play the regret game. It serves no purpose, look back on what you did (Lyon) and laugh and be happy - you did it, you had fun, and you have stories and experiences to share.
Focus on the future while still allowing yourself some space to mess around. 401(k)’s will be there after you stay up past your bedtime reading horrible pulp fiction (just do not do it every night).
You’ll be fine, I would be more worried if you did not feel this way at 25, really, it happened to me too (and now I a 26).
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