schweblog

This falls under the category of things that I’m astounded I even have to mention…

Let’s say that you’re discussing a subject that you find yourself totally indifferent to—an old friend that fucked you over once upon a time, perhaps, or maybe the impending disappearance of print news media.  Or metaethics.  Or…  You get the picture.  If you find yourself in this position, where you just cannot will yourself to take a modicum of interest in something, then you couldn’t care less about it.  You have reached the absolute bottom of the barrel of your care.  There is no care left.  You could not care less about the subject.

Unfortunately, an alarming number of people have started to claim that they could care less about subjects that they remain totally indifferent towards.  In the past, I only observed this trend in unremarkable places—people chatting at parties, for instance, or slipping up during conversation in class.  Then, last night as I sat in the bathtub with World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War (yes, I realize I’m feeding my neurosis) I stumbled across the dreaded “I could care less” in the context of total indifference.  This utterly thoughtless phrase somehow wormed its way into a book—past an otherwise (seemingly) literate author and, what’s more, an (in)competent editor for a fairly major publication company.  If the book hadn’t been so damn enthralling and catering towards my current eschatological obsession, I would have probably put it down immediately and abandoned it entirely.

Instead, I trudged on, making a mental note to blog about it later, as I could care less—much, much less—about mindless phrases that imply the opposite of what they actually mean being incorporated into the zeitgeist.  I don’t consider myself a snoot by any stretch of the imagination, but when you’re actively short circuiting the langue and parole and contributing to a blatant misuse of language, I’m going to call you on your shit.  So the next time you could care less, fucking think and make sure you’re actually saying what you mean.

I can’t believe I even have to say this.